Forgive Me Mother Essay

Its strange how memories of the past can be so terrifying. The thoughts and the occurring dreams are continuously similar. I would remember longing for a summer where the summers light would beam on my automobile trunk with the warmth of the sun. Winter was worse because I was terrified by the c senior deep air that I would inhale wrong(a) my thin body until it detects I was shivering to death. The feeling of being alone , I couldnt even sleep at night with disc retire being terrified non because of being alone , scarcely conditioned my life would dwell with no anticipate for me for the future. I would see paranormal instances of my father. The pertinacious face would stare at me with such(prenominal) gentle eyes , yet sad. Its ilk he was watching all over me.Years ago when I had a family, loving yet annoyingly seriocomical in a family sense that I miss. We were having dinner with the family with just me , my bugger off and father. My spawn was preparing the food an d my father was advance folk from work. However he neer came fend for and my obtain was worried and panicked. I was hush too nave to understand the attitude fully s ascertain then. Hell I put one overt even agnise how octogenarian I am anyto a greater extent since Ive lost track of time. I cried at startle because my mother was always the strong type in the family. It was the first time Ive seen her cry and the emotions inner of me wanted me to cry with her. He never came back and the authoritys told us he went missing. He was the provider of the family and we were financially unstable.My mother had to look for work , so she left to the city. She told me she would call me when she would be back. once she left , the people who collects debt knocked on my opening and seized the house. I had no place to go and so I left to mystify shelter and food. I got hired a job in a local newspaper agency to hand step forward flyers to neighbour streets. It was so cold but I nev er gave up hoping my mother would come back and take take of me. She couldnt take me with her because she could only drop enough for herself to travel. We lived in a micro town surrounded by juggle somewhere in the upper regions of conspiracy Korea.One day while I was quiescency in the corner of the streets. A macrocosm walked pass with a etiolate hat and apron with a grinning on his cheeks. He looked at me for a couple of minutes. I was scared so I didnt look back at him out of fear. I comprehend footsteps coming towards me and I was about to run. He asked Why are you out in the streets alone at your age? , How old are you?. I replied in a low voice I dont be. He had a strange look on his face and asked me where my guardians was. I replied to him that I dont know either. He asked me more questions which I all replied I Dont know.I looked up and see his face. He was a old man with a beard and had a regulate on him which looked like it was supporting him move. It was a s ilent cold night and Im not sure why he would be walking most at this time. He asked if I would like to work at his restaurant with cleansing and give paid for it.With nothing to lose I gladly accepted his offer. He took me to his place , it didnt seem what he said it was. The restaurant looked like a dump and I only aphorism lady friends on the front door international of the restaurant wearing what looked like bank clothing in cold weather. I was suspicious but I had nowhere to go and I didnt know the way back from here. I followed the old man and he took me into a gnomish room with 10 other children. At first I thought he was taking care of us until thither was only girls in the room coming in and out one by one with a man. This isnt a restaurant I suspected. I was gross out and tried to leave but they didnt let me leave.Pushing and crying to get out. They pulled me back , held both my hands and chucked me into a room by myself and locked the doors. Suddenly someone said *Calm down or they will punish you*. I stoped and looked for the inception of the sound. The room had a little release which leads to the other rooms. I whispered to the girl What is this place in a panicking voice. She told me it was a brothel where everyone gets kidnapped and rape for money by strangers. I asked her I was a male, what do they want from me? She told me she doesnt know either.I didnt want to find out , my life was already crumbling and now this. thither was a care for cabinet inside the room. I searched inside and found sleeping pills , I remember taking these when I lived with my parents. I could never sleep so the doctor prescribed me sleeping pills.I tried to sleep but I couldnt out of the fear what was press release to happen to me. I suggested to myself I should take these pills and ease things. I took the bottle of medicine from the cabinet.One wasnt enough for me so I thought. I took more and more until I was feeling dizzy. I counted how many a(prenomin al) times and how much Ive taken. only I lost count and started again. I necessitate more and I needed my peaceful slumber. I was scared to come back what was going to happen and kept taking more and more pills until I could feel the bottom of the container. My body produces to weaken and I could no longer feel my fingers. My eyelids begin to shutdown. Soon swarthiness was all I could see , I felt a hollowing in a room with darkness and suspended in time. Forgive me mother I love you.